Testimony

     I never could really understand how someone could just not believe in God.  I mean, go outside and look at the vastnesss of the night sky.  Or stand on the shore of an ocean, or at the foot of a mountain...or even in a field of wild flowers.  God's handiwork is everywhere.  His power and majesty can be seen even in the tiniest DNA cell of the human body.  So the idea that God may not exist never even entertained my thoughts. 
    
     Once when I was nineteen, I went through a particularly difficult season.  I remember one night, sitting in my car and bawling my eyes out and screaming to the sky, "God, why did you forget about me?!  I don't even know if you're real anymore."   That's what I said anyway, but it's not exactly what I meant, I don't think.



     I think what I was trying to say was, "God, I don't know if you love me anymore."  And although I grew up in church, and I "knew" God, I somehow felt like God didn't care about me.  I felt like I was unlovable; like I was worthless. 



     But the next day we had a youth revival at my church.



     During the altar call, the preacher came to me in my seat and asked if he could pray for me.  I said yes.  He looks me in the eye and says, "Your beautiful.  Jesus loves you, and God did not put you on the back burner and he did not forget about you."  And I was so excited because that's the exact thing I was crying out to God about the night before.  And then he went on to say, "Your husband is coming.  Before you're thirty.  Don't settle, because God is going to give you everything you've asked for.  When you were a little girl and you dreamed about your husband...that's him.  And you're also going to be a mother."



     And so I held on to those promises like a starving person holds on to their last morsel of food.  My life was in shambles, but Jesus loved me and he was about to give me everything I had asked him for.  And I believed it.  I told everyone about it.  I imagined myself with my drummer/preacher husband (cause that's what I wanted) and my baby in my arms.  And I knew in my heart that my mustard seed faith was gonna rock this world, and thousands of people were going to come to Christ when they heard what God had done in my life. 



     I never doubted.  Even when I went through my "bad" phase, when I was living a sinful lifestyle, when I had completely turned my back on God I still believed.  I would have boy problems, and my friends would ask me if I'm okay, and I would say "I'm fine.  My husband is still coming."



     My friends all started getting married and I would cry a little, but then I would say, "God I trust you." And then my friends started having babies, and I would say, "God I trust you."  And with every Birthday I would take a deep breath and say, "God I trust you." And I did.



     And then a couple of years ago I met someone who was a drummer/preacher, and even though I knew from the very beginning (I'm not stupid) we weren't meant to be.  I still had this glimmer of hope.  I thought, God is this him? But he broke my heart.   And I was ok, but I could feel my faith weakening...just a bit.  And then a year ago, I started having problems and I found out that I have a disease where I only have a 50% chance of ever conceiving a child, and then if I do, it's like a 50% chance I'll miscarry.  But I prayed, and I said, "God I still trust you."  And I did.



     And then on April 21st of this year, something devestating happened.  I turned 30.  I thought, ok, I can do this.  I had wanted to have a huge Birthday party blow out, but then my plans fell through.  And then I was going to go eat with some friends, and they all cancelled on me at the last minute.  And then I asked my family if they wanted to do something for my birthday and they said no.  And so I  sat in my living room, on my couch, in the dark (because my light had burned out and I didn't have the energy to change it.) and I cried.  And the devil said, "Who loves you?"  and I said, "No one."  and he said, "That's right, no one loves you.  Not even God."  And I said, "That's not true."  But the thought was planted in my mind.  Maybe God really had forgotten about me. 



     And I stuffed all that away, and I went on with my life.  And I told people how awesome my birthday was, and I told everyone that 30 felt just like 20 and I'm not like everyone else who gets depressed when they get old. And I put on this big mask with a big plastic smile and I carried on. 



     And somewhere in there I stopped reading my Bible.  And I stopped talking to God. And I started getting bitter.  It wouldn't take very much at all to set me off.  I was mad at just about everyone at my church on a pretty regular basis.  I didn't talk about it, but I was.  Someone could just look at me wrong and I wanted to throw punches. 



   About a month ago (three weeks before camp) I had a realization.  I was leading worship on Wednesday night, like I always do, and some teenagers walked through the door of the sanctuary.  They were loud, and I don't guess they realized we were having church, but they walked through the sanctuary to the youth room, and everyone stared at them, and and no one was worshipping God, and I was starting to get mad, because I felt like I was wasting my time, and about 10 minutes later, I looked down and realized that I couldn't even remember a single song I had just sung.  I had always preached against the clanging cymbols...the people who praised God with their lips, but their hearts were far from him.  And here I was clanging my cymbol the loudest, making the most noise, and I didn't even know God anymore.  I was just going through the motions. And I didn't want to be that person.



    It was that moment, I wanted out.  I thought, as soon as church camp and camp meeting is over, I'm gonna start looking for a way out of the church...and not just MY church.  I didn't want to go to church, period.  Then Pastor Mark Rector came to our church.  He preached a message called "Don't throw in the towel."  And it didn't look like many people were getting much out of his message, but the entire time, I heard God say, "This is for you."  And something within me said, "I'm not ready to give up."  and I pressed forward. And I was determined that I was going to live for God, that I was going to trust God no matter what. 



     The first night of camp, Pastor Todd gave an altar call, and although I couldn't go to the front because I was doing the music, I told God how sorry I was for doubting him, and how I know he has a plan for my life.  And that I still trust him.  And I asked him to forgive me.  I got saved again at church camp.  And as every day went by, my faith got stronger and stronger.  And by the last day, I could feel God again.  And I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved me, and that I WAS worth something to him.  I was very close to giving up everything God has for me.  Thank God he set me on the right track again.  Thank you God for saving me!  My name is Miranda Dallis, I'm 30 years old, I'm a leader in my church, I lead worship, and I got saved at church camp. 



     I still see myself in the ministry with my husband by my side and my baby in my arms. I don't like waiting, but I know that God's will for my life is perfect.  God I still trust you. 

Worship

     God called me to be a worship leader.  I’ve known this since I was a little girl.  I can sing worship songs to God for hours and hours and not even miss a beat…and I’ve been like that all my life.  It’s just in me.  So, when I was asked to lead worship for our Wednesday night mid-week service a couple of years ago, I thought to myself, “this should be a piece of cake!”  Boy, was I wrong.  In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth.  It wasn’t easy at all…and mostly it was because of the fact that I really didn’t understand what it meant to truly worship God. 

     Ok, so I’ll start from the beginning.  When I was growing up, my dad was the “Song Leader” at my church.  That’s what we called it.  Our Pastor would say, “Ronnie, you’re leading the singing tonight, right?”  And my dad would say yes.  And to “lead the singing” it seems was to sing two or three songs from the hymnal, and then follow it up with a couple of fast chorus’s and then a couple of slow chorus’s.  It never dawned on me until fairly recently that I was not called to be a song leader.  I was called to be a worship leader.   

     And while theoretically, this position is the same thing as a worship leader…I never really understood what the word “worship” meant.  I thought I did though…If someone would have asked me the difference between praise and worship, I would say…Praise is the fast songs and worship is the slow songs.    And I definitely wouldn’t have said that worshipping God was anything other than singing songs to him. 

     But here’s the truth.  This is what I have realized…and what you need to grasp a hold of.  Worship has absolutely nothing to do with singing (although we are called to worship God through music.)  Worship is a lifestyle.  It’s all about humbling ourselves before God our creator, and offering our lives as living sacrifices.  It’s all about saying, “God, here I am.  Take me.  All of me.  And use me for your glory.  I lay myself down before you, and I ask that you take complete control of my life.”  THAT, my friends, is worship.   When we give ourselves completely to God, that’s the moment he is able to transform our lives from something average into something extraordinary.    From dull and meaningless to something wonderful and glorious. 

     And so I’m called to lead people into worship, and it was a lot easier before I knew the truth.  Because well, ANYone can lead songs…to stand on a stage with a microphone and tell people to open their books to page 333.  But as a worship leader I’m not called just to sing, but to teach people how to completely devote their lives to God.  It's not an easy task, but that's what God has called me to do...and I want to serve him to the best of my ability.

     That’s what this blog is about.  I have a lot of things going on inside my mind all the time, and so I thought maybe someone will read what I write and be encouraged…or at least be encouraged to ask questions.  Believe me I’m far from perfect, (I know, I this surprised me too.)  I mess up on a daily basis, and I also have a lot of questions…but I’m learning.  God is teaching me what it means to truly worship him in spirit and in truth.  I believe when we finally reach the realization that it has nothing to with religion but everything to do with worshipping and having a relationship with Jesus Christ, we will experience a worship revolution like we’ve never seen before.  God is about to do something amazing in the church…and I just want to be a part of it.  I’m ready to let God have complete control.  How about you?

Feel free to post questions or comments you may have, or email them to me if you wish.  Also follow me on Twitter @mkdallis.